Northern Exposure

5 Going On 15

2009-11-09T17:29:00.000-08:00

Today I was hanging our laundry because our dryer is broken (broken dryer - grrrr). Felicity was watching me work and commented on how much this situation sucked (paraphrasing). The thought popped into my head that maybe this would be a great opportunity to teach her that not everybody's life is so easy. I understand that this is not a life-changing lesson, but mothers live for these sorts of moments. Anyway, I proceeded to tell her that her Auntie Sarah hangs her laundry all the time because she doesn't own a dryer. That's not technically true, but Sarah's drying situation, like EVERYTHING ELSE in Japan, is complicated and not worth explaining to a 5-year-old. So I tell her this little tidbit to give her a broader perspective of the world. She looks me dead in the face and mutters "classic".

Classic.

Six months later...

2009-11-09T16:51:00.000-08:00

Xander now prefers "laserbreath" to "werewolf", and Felicity is still a little iffy when it comes to pink. More to come.

It's Late

2009-05-07T22:52:00.000-07:00

It's 10:59 pm. I'm still wearing my scrubs. I haven't taken my shoes off since I got home from work six hours ago. I ate too much ice cream after dinner, and I'm having trouble finding the perfect couch for a house we're not buying for another 8 months, and not living in for another year. Felicity told me today that she no longer loves sandwiches or pink. Xander has started calling everybody "werewolf" because he gets in trouble when he uses the word "poo-poo". Between mouthfuls David raved about dinner, which makes me feel like I got a merit badge on my wife sash. Today I wore my new glasses -

- and automatically raised my IQ by two percent, which ironically is the exact percentage Xander will lose by being on his anti-seizure medication for the next two years. I guess it all really does balance out in the end.

It is now 11:13 pm. My children are sleeping, sweaty and sweet, and my husband is somewhat patiently waiting for me to come to bed and turn off the light. My life is good.

From one lousy good cook to another...

2009-05-03T09:19:00.000-07:00

I would rather spend my time cooking than doing anything else, but I'm lousy at being a good cook. I share all of my secrets, I can eat an entire box of Kraft dinner by myself, and I recently have attempted to cut carbs out of my diet. See what I mean? Cooks that are good at being good chuckle when guests ask for a recipe, eat only great food, and would never, EVER in a million years dream about cutting carbs.

So in the spirit of being a crappy good cook, here's my new updated, slightly healthier version of chocolate chip cookies. You can still eat them with ice cream and chocolate sauce...I won't tell.

CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

1 cup butter, at room temperature

1 cup packed brown sugar

1/2 cup white sugar

1 egg

1 tsp vanilla

1 cup all-purpose flour

1 cup whole-wheat flour

1 tbsp ground flax seed

1/2 tsp coarse salt

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp cinnamon

1 bag or 2 cups of chocolate chips

Bake at 350F for 10-13 minutes. You know how to put cookies together so I'm not going to give a play-by-play. However, here are some tips, which you probably already know as well but I'm going to write them down anyway.

1. Cream the butter for a good 5 minutes before adding the sugars.

2. Undercook the cookies ever so slightly, then let them cool on the sheet before transferring them to a cooling rack.

3. If you want to go even healthier, use lard or applesauce instead of butter, all whole-wheat flour instead of half-and-half, or all light brown sugar instead of using both white and brown. I haven't tried any of these yet, but I'm very curious to know how they'd turn out.

4. The cinnamon helps cover the taste of the flax seed. BTW, don't buy toasted flax seeds. I'm serious.

Good luck with the cookies, and if this is a recipe that you love share it with your friends in the spirit of being a lousy good cook.

Back in the saddle again...

2009-05-03T08:37:00.000-07:00

Here's a basic recap of the last 7 months, the highs and lows, if you will.

Low: My nana died and I didn't get to say goodbye.

High: I got to spend an entire week with my siblings. Unprecedented.

Low: I found out I have a bunion, a sure sign of getting old and all that comes with it.

High: I had a 30 minute appointment in Chilliwack and got to spend a whole week with my mom. By myself. With no children. I almost passed out from all the free time.

Low: We miss our friends and our church.

High: God brought us new friends who willingly hang out several times a week without us driving them crazy. AND they haven't once referred to our kids as "great birth control".

Low: Christmas was quiet.

High: Christmas was quiet.

Low: I turned 30.

High: I finally know what I want to do with my life, which is apparently a symptom of turning 30 so...yeah.

Low: After several terrifying episodes, Xander has been diagnosed with epilepsy. Epilepsy with no cause, which is a high and low within itself.

High: Turns out God is good. And faithful. And He loves Xander even more than we do, which seems impossible, but is truer than true.

So now it's May 3rd. We have all been sick in varying stages for the last five weeks, but the end of that is in sight. The weather is beautiful, the snow is melting, we ate hot dogs roasted over a fire last night, a sure sign that this is the Dease Lake version of summer.

This is also our last year here. We debated, still debate, whether or not we should move early. Watching your husband perform chest compressions on your three-year-old changes you, your priorities, and your perspective. I still don't have a peace about moving, not quite yet anyway. We are planning - after all, we're planners, right Mom? - our life in Chilliwack knowing that the details will change but the big picture remains the same. Our home filled with life and love and laughter, our kids freaking us out on a daily basis, our future intact and secure in the knowledge that we are forever in the hands of God.

If Heaven Was Made Out of Cheese...

2008-09-07T14:21:00.000-07:00

It would taste like my new pizza recipe. I'm not bragging. I didn't invent cheese or pizza or heaven, but I experimented in the kitchen last night and come up with a recipe that so impressed the judges that an encore performance was requested.

I've been testing pizza dough recipes for a while. Some of them are basic and quick, some are complicated and time-consuming, but not one of them has been truly satisfactory. Then I heard my boss say that she puts oregano in her pizza dough, so I thought I'd give it a shot, except that I didn't have any oregano. But I do have Epicure's Pizza spice, which is super yummy but almost too much for my kids when I dusted the pizza with it. So here's the recipe I came up with.

1 cup of warm water (warmer than body temperature, but not hot)

1 pkg. or 2 tsp. of yeast

1/4 tsp sugar

2 1/2 cups white flour (or a 50/50 blend of white and whole wheat)

1 tsp. of pizza spices or dried oregano

1 tsp. of coarse salt

1/4 tsp. of cracked black pepper

2 tbsp. olive oil

1/3 cup spicy red pepper spaghetti sauce

3 cups mozzarella or blend of cheeses

Dissolve the yeast and sugar in the warm water and set aside for 10 minutes. Pre-heat your oven to the lowest setting, then turn it off. Whisk together the flour, spices, salt and pepper. When the yeast is ready, add it and the olive oil to the flour mixture. Blend either with a fork or in your mixer with the dough hook. If using a fork, turn onto a floured surface and knead for about 5 minutes. Form into a ball and place in an oiled bowl, turning so the entire ball is oily. Cover with a clean dish towel and place in the warmed oven for 30 minutes.

After the dough is risen, remove it from the oven and pre-heat to 400F. Roll the dough out and place on your pizza pan, pushing all the way out the edges and forming a crust. Then put on your toppings and bake for 15 - 20 minutes, or until the cheese is nice and brown.

The only think-ahead part of this recipe is the time the dough takes to rise, but I usually do the dishes or get my toppings ready. Both of my kids only like cheese, but this time I used the Classico Spicy Red Pepper sauce and I think it made the pizza. I also really like the pre-shredded cheese packages. Not only are they easy, but the blend of cheese is always something I would either never think of or wouldn't be available up here. Either way, you can use pretty much whatever cheese you have in your fridge.

Some other yummy toppings include:

Pesto (as the base), prosciutto, pine nuts, and bocconcini
Caramelized onions, portabella mushrooms, and sage with ricotta cheese and no sauce.
Back bacon (Canadian bacon), peppers, olives, and a little cheddar mixed in the the mozzarella.

The kids still pick everything off, but at least we enjoy our half of the pie. I love to eat, and I love to cook, so I'm going to start posting some of my favourite recipes. Not that I have time to make them...

Pixie Dust

2008-09-06T21:52:00.000-07:00

I love this picture. I can't believe the sun hit the bubbles so perfectly, so precisely. Thank you, Nikon, for delectable digital wonder. Thank you, God, for the sun and for the precious gift of Felicity.

A Week of Firsts

2008-09-06T19:59:00.000-07:00

This is how our week went:

Monday - Felicity spends the day at Grandma's. Xander spends the day trying to blacken his other eye. David spends the day wondering why God "blessed" him with a crazy wife. Hannah spends the day getting ready to launch her oldest child into the scholastic world. Also spends the day trying not to scream into the heavens "MY BABY!!!" or burst into tears. Fails miserably.

Tuesday - Hannah wakes up at the crack of dawn and spends way too long blow-drying then straightening her four-year-old's hair. Kicks herself several times for not buying Felicity a new backpack, and stresses to David several times the importance of a First Day picture. First Day pictures have to feel somewhat forced with the child looking blankly into the camera. Mission accomplished. Felicity cries when David drops her off, which Hannah hears over and over again from every parent who comes into the clinic. Xander also cries when David drops Felicity off, which Hannah hears over and over again every time she calls home. The day ends with Hannah trying to squeeze Felicity for information about her new school only to realize that the only answer she's going to get is "I don't remember". Like this:

me - Felicity, how was your first day of school?

F - I don't remember

me - Did you cry? (simple question to which I already know the answer)

F - I don't remember. Oh, yeah, I did, but then I didn't.

me - Did you have fun?

F - *shrugs her shoulders* shrugs her shoulders?? Did I blink and she turned 13???

me - who's in your class? any new kids?

F - I don't remember

Do you get where I'm going with this? That was the entirety of our conversation. I fed her pasta and put her to bed.

The rest of the week pretty much went like that. Work was insanely busy, plus I had to go in early every day so David was acting chauffeur for the week. Felicity was tired and Xander kept peeing everywhere (seriously) but we were getting into a groove. Then FRIDAY happened.

Now, I wasn't there, but picture in your mind the most epic tantrum you have ever seen your child throw. Now imagine you're in front of an audience of parents and teachers, and when your younger child sees how much fun your oldest child is having, decides to join in on the tantruming. That was the start of David's day, and it wasn't even 9 o'clock. I honestly could not believe it, especially since Felicity is not our tantrum thrower. That would Xander's job, Tantrum Thrower Extraordinaire, or at least that's what it says on his resume.

Anyway, David had her apologize to her teacher when he picked her up from school. I know that sounds a bit extreme, but we both felt she needs to know that her actions affected the people around her. We then talked to her that night and told her it was okay to be sad, but screaming was absolutely not okay. She seemed to understand, so hopefully next week will go more smoothly. Then she went off to Grandma's to end the week the way she'd started it, and I took a nap. A long nap, with Lilo & Stitch playing in the background, so I dreamt of Hawaii and Elvis. Could have been worse.

Here's a few pictures.

Felicity's first day of kindergarten:

Xander's first black eye:

I think the most surprising part of this whole week was the fact that this wasn't just hard on me or the kids, but David was really affected by watching his little girl head off into the world. We realize that she's a few decades away from truly leaving the nest, but we both felt that in some ways we're going to have to start letting her go. I think the hardest moment for David was on Wednesday. He'd gotten to school a little early so her teacher told him she can just go to the playground, and they would call the kids in for school. So he walked her over, gave her a kiss and off she went, on her own, into the sea of children. There was a moment where he couldn't see her, so he walked to the end of the fence and there she was, playing all by herself on the jungle gym. She wasn't worried or looking for him or anyone else. She was completely content and she was FINE. Which tells us that so far, we're doing okay.

Sound Bites

2008-08-31T07:39:00.001-07:00

So Xander has discovered "cuzzles", which loosely translates from Xander into English as puzzles. When we delve a little deeper we discover it is also defined as: I can ignore my mother because I'm doing something "brainy" instead of doing something "destroy-y".

Felicity starts Kindergarten on Tuesday. The entire summer has been building up to this moment. In fact, I feel now like that moment, over six years ago, when I decided to move to Chilliwack and fell in love with my husband and he went to Depot and we moved to Gibsons and now we live here? The circle will be complete on Tuesday when Felicity walks into that sacred classroom for the first time with her I-cheaped-out-so-she's-stuck-with-an-Ikea backpack and her $40 sneakers (I get the irony) and her recycled DuoTang and pencils in her Disney Princess pencil case (again, more irony) all held together with a sturdy box I brought home from work and then stamped - STAMPED! - and glittered and ribboned. Seriously. Kindergarten has brought out my crafty side. David kept feeling my forehead and checking my iPod for devil music that may be affecting my mental state. The dining room table was covered. It was a crafty, stampy, glittery, ribbony warzone, and for a moment I felt like those moms you read about who make their own bread and grow their own carrots and milk their own grain-fed goats so they can make goat cheese for the PTA meeting over which they will preside as President of the Mommy World. I even cleaned up after myself.

My first thought when I got home from camping was winter gear. My head was full of parkas and -40 rated boots and mittens and mitten liners and long underwear. And not just because it's freezing cold here, but because having spent one winter here I know that winter will soon be upon us. I have to admit that even though I'm not looking forward to the darkness, I'm really looking forward to the snow. It stays for a long time, and it's really cold, but it transforms this ugly little town into something beautiful, and for over half the year this is not a bad place to live.

The only thing I want more than to be able to quit my job now is to be able to get the job I want when we move. I've actually started my degree three times but apparently that doesn't count for three years of study. I've really only got about one year of music classes left, but in order to do that one year without driving my family crazy I need to do work-work and school-work all at the same time. I know see why, when my parents were both working, in school, and raising four kids, my mother said "don't EVER do this". Sorry, Mom.

I have camping pictures. I will post my favourites soon. Okay, soon-ish.

The Great (Freezing Cold) Outdoors

2008-07-21T07:01:00.000-07:00

Here are a few pictures from our camping trip to Kinaskan Lake last weekend. I can honestly and without sarcasm say that it was the most fun I've ever had while freezing my tail off. I love when my kids don't watch TV or movies for three days straight and just play. Do I love it enough to not let them watch TV or movies ever? Be serious.

I came to realize that Kinaskan Lake is not unlike seeing a polar bear on the Discovery Channel. A beautiful testament to God's design? Check. Gets its water mostly from glacial runoff? Check. You could lose a limb if you accidently fell in? Check.

This was the view from the doorway of our impossibly large tent. Xander played at the beach non-stop. Just throwing rocks into the water, then finding more rocks and throwing them, then wading in just to make sure we truly meant no you may not go in the water.

During our "nature walk" we discussed what to do if confronted with a bear. Who takes the kids? Do we offer up the dog as bait? Who can share the scariest bear/cougar attack story from November 1988 Reader's Digest? Whose idea was it that the parameters were that the story had to include either a two- or four-year-old child who miraculously survived the attack?

Yes, this nap was as good as it looks. I followed it up with a s'more made out of a perfectly roasted marshmallow sandwiched between two chocolate chip cookies. Seriously.

The reason this picture was taken from the back is not just because David has an awesome bum, but also because I enjoy looking wider than the rest of my little family combined.

Only a four-year-old can live in the wild, go camping in the even wilder wild, and yet deem a tiara that says "Modern Princess" as appropriate headwear.

Home Alone

2008-07-21T06:33:00.000-07:00

Except for a few days here or there, I have not been without child/children for the last four and a half years. Every day I have awoken to little voices, been greeted by little smiles, felt little arms around my neck. I am a mother. That is what my life consists of, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. So imagine my distress when I came home on Friday afternoon from work to discover the little voices, little smiles, little arms were gone. I knew they weren't going to be there; I packed their stuff, for heavens sake. So the distress wasn't so much over the fact that they weren't there. It was more because I didn't quite know what to do with myself. David was at work and I wasn't hungry yet so there was no point in making dinner. So I sat down and watched TLC. For three hours. Then my slightly confused husband called wondering when dinner was going to be; it was, after all, eight o'clock. Over dinner we discussed the kids - what were they doing, were they driving his parents nuts, why didn't you put them in their sweatshirts like I told you to. Important stuff. It was then that I realized that not only were my kids on vacation with their grandparents, we were on a vacation from them, which sounds awful and terribly un-motherly. But I know my love for my children, which is why I can say that they are wonderful but exhausting. If a few days apart means we come back to each other rested, more organized, and missing each other, then a few days are not only a good idea, they're necessary.

So Saturday morning, I woke up when I wanted to and looked at my To Do list I'd written almost a week before. Thankfully, "sleep in" was at the top of the list, so I crossed that off and went on to the next task. And for the first time in, well, forever, I got absolutely everything done on that list and I wasn't a sweaty, stressed-out mess by the end of the day.

On Sunday I went to church, then came home and relaxed. ALL DAY. WITHOUT GUILT. And I wasn't a sweaty, stressed-out mess by the end of that day either.

So today is Monday. On Thursday I leave for what promises to be an amazing vacation full of great laughs, great food and a million little voices and smiles and arms. I have an ocean of tasks to cross between here and there, and I can't wait to see my babies again knowing that I used the time without them to make life better for them in ways they'll never even see.

Big Girl

2008-06-22T10:05:00.001-07:00

This Thursday was a Very Special Occasion, Felicity's Preschool graduation. The two responses I've gotten from people upon telling them of this Very Special Occasion, or VSO as it shall heretofore be referred, are a bit polarized. Either "OMG THAT'S FANTASTIC WHAT IS SHE GOING TO WEAR?!?" or "her what?". In the days leading up to her VSO whenever I would refer to The Event, she would either give me a blank stare or pointedly remind me that she was not in the mood for Kindergarten today. But I still wanted her to know it was coming so that if there were any histrionics, I would be able to nip it in the bud with a well-timed "I told you so". Because that's what mothers live for.

Felicity has led a bit of a charmed life. Not only does she have golden locks, sea-blue eyes, rose-bud lips, and a fantastic sense of humour, but she has unwittingly chanced upon some very amazing people to help her along the way. First, while she was refusing to exit the womb, was my OBGYN, who according to the nurses (they know everything) was THE BEST ONE. Since then we've had a string of amazing doctors and pastors and friends, and the latest in this parade of wonderful are Miss Kristi and Miss Hazel. This is Kristi:

She is wonderful. She is patient. She is creative. She is everything you wish for in a child's first teacher. And next year, to thank her for all of her amazingness, we are going to reward her with Xander. She can't wait.

This is Nia, Kristi's daughter and Felicity's favourite little buddy. If she could, she would fold Nia into an origami crane, put her in her pocket, and bring her home every day. Then they could bicker at school AND at home, and that is what we call heaven.

This is what Felicity looks like when people are saying wonderful things about her. Confused and wondering when the food's gonna come.

This is Felicity and Tahlea comparing diplomas and talking about their wicked summer plans.

A rare mother/daughter photo. See? She kind of looks like me...please, somebody say she looks like me.

My goodness, I had to threaten everybody with timeouts just so they would take a picture. And I'd like to say Felicity was the worse one, but I would just be covering for the ADULTS.

This is Hazel, Felicity's other amazing teacher. Hazel is calm, thoughtful, and has a fantastic laugh. She, like Kristi, loves these kids as if they were her own. What more could you ask for?

I hope that just because a teacher of Felicity's - who shall remain unnamed - spelled her name wrong doesn't make it official and for the rest of her life people ask her if she's part Japanese. Or we could just send her to Japan where she'd fit right in.

Where Do I Even Begin?

2008-05-24T09:31:00.000-07:00

We've been back from our trip for over a week, and although we're just getting over the virus we brought back with us we are glad to be home and settling back into normal life. I've never had such a great time doing absoutely nothing with the people we love. I loved the shopping - of course I loved the shopping - but missing our friends and family has been the most painful part of living so far away. So now that we're back we feel refreshed and renewed in our purpose to put in our time here, knowing what's waiting for us when we finally come home.

Because what we filled our time with was mostly conversation I don't have any super-amazing stories. Also, the people who read this were the people we were visiting, so I decided to put up some pictures instead. You can tell right away that Xander especially had been missing the sun. As soon as we got to Paul and Em's house he played outside and we had to straightjacket him in order to get his scrawny pale bum back in the house. Paul and Em, we miss you guys and so enjoyed our time at your home. Hopefully we'll be able to return the favour someday.

This is the foot of one Lucas Johansson. He has the biggest brown eyes you'll ever see (two pictures down) and is all boy down to his little toe.

This is Tobias, Lucas' older brother. I always think that we could exchange him and Felicity because he looks so much like Xander and she looks more like Lucas. Plus, then Suzi would have a girl to play with and I would have a boy who would actually sit still and read a book with me for longer than 2.3 seconds.

See? Puppy-dog eyes. Don't say I didn't warn you.

This is Paul and Em's SAM! For some reason in my mind SAM!'s name can be spelled no other way than in all caps. With an exclamation mark on the end to go with those striking blue eyes.

Once we got back to Grammy and Grampy's house Xander spent most of his time as God intended for boys - naked and running.

I just loved this picture. This is the perfect depiction of the stage Felicity's in right now, and actually, stage is even the perfect word, since she is always putting on a show.

Another one of my favourite things about my visit is spending time with my girlfriends again. Growing up, I never had really close, best friends until I was in college. Now, I don't know what I'd do without them. Christina, Tamara, Angela, Suzi, and Em, thank you for listening to me whine and complain about how beautiful it is up here and how much money we're making and how much time I have on my hands with nothing to do except play with my kids, love my amazing husband, and clean my house. I just know you guys understand my pain.

Last but not least, we shopped. A lot. An embarrassing amount, actually, and it felt really really good to be that embarrassed. One of the treasures we picked up besides blackout curtains is this little green fairy dress for Felicity. It was the only one left in her size among a sea of XS and XL, as though it was calling out her name from the moment we entered the mall. I wish I had a better picture of it, but whenever she wears it you hardly see the dress for the big smile and the big blue eyes. Which may have had something to do with us buying the dress in the first place.

Some Things Never Change

2008-04-19T21:03:00.000-07:00

This sort of reminds me of his baby hair, except that now he's got a whole lot more of it. However, when I look at this picture I think of all the things I should have been doing instead of using a $200 blowdryer on my two-year-old.

See? Still cute!

2008-04-15T21:26:00.000-07:00

Highs and Lows

2008-04-15T20:59:00.000-07:00

When we lived in Gibsons, I went to an awesome Moms-and-tots group that I would have insisted on having every single day if I'd known how much I would miss it. Hindsight's twenty-twenty, I KNOW!! Anyway, when we'd finally get our kids settled and our coffees stirred, Susie would say "okay, let's hear everyone's highs and lows for the week". Then we would start and not stop until the kids were begging for nourishment in the form of McNuggets.

So if I were still sitting in that precious circle, this is what I would say.

Highs:

1. Our computer got fixed!! For only $30!!! Seriously, the only guy in town who fixes computers got back from his six months in Palm Springs and had our computer fixed in half an hour. Not only is it back on, we no longer sound like a jet is taking off in our living room. Bonus.

2. The kids are still cute. Phew!

3. I finally lost a pound. Actually, I've lost three, which I attribute to my shiny new iPod. Not hearing myself clunk, clunk, clunk on the treadmill is a big help. I'm trying not to think about how much I would have lost if I'd asked for one for Christmas, but anyway, again about that hindsight...

4. Our vacation is so close I can almost smell that Chilliwack smell. You know what I mean.

Lows:

1. If you'd asked me about our vacation this morning, I would have been sobbing into a protein shake, but thankfully it seems as though it's fallen into place. There were a few days where we were not sure if David would be able to have a vacation at all but THANK GOD it worked out. So far. We'll see.

2. Our sleek new rowing machine that we purchased with our tax return three weeks ago has still not arrived. Grrr. The hardest part is that I'm the one that ordered it along with another piece of machinery for the clinic, and I'm the worst at being hard-nosed with salespeople even when I can feel I'm being screwed. So here's what I would say if I had the cajones: Brad at Rocky Mountain Fitness, I know you screwed up this order somehow and you're not being straight with me, so you're either going to pay for the shipping or drive the thing up here yourself. Yes, I know Prince George is a long way from here, but you're going to make it happen. Oh, and I want a free exercise ball.

So that's pretty much it. As alway the highs outnumber the lows, and God is on His throne.

Quick Update

2008-04-06T19:52:00.000-07:00

Okay, so we're without a computer for the time being, and unless a Future Shop opens up in our area we will have to wait until we go South to get it fixed (which is in 3 weeks and 6 days, but who's counting?). So while I'm furiously typing at my in-laws' computer, here's everything that's coming to my head.

1. I STILL have not lost a pound. Insert head banging into brick wall here.

2. The kids are STILL cute. Even with the growling and smacking.

3. We might be getting a new puppy. Why, you ask? Well, because it's free, and because that's what you do when you move North. Lose your mind and gain a puppy.

4. As I mentioned, we are coming South in 3 weeks and 6 days. Yes, I'm counting. Yes, when I'm on the treadmill each day, the only distraction from the pain and rivers of sweat running everywhere is the thought that I will see some of you very soon. The new iPod helps, too, which leads me to #5:

5. David somewhat surprised me with an iPod for my birthday. It's small and shiny and has 8 gigs of crisp sound and clear pictures. If it were pink I might feel like a very spoiled teenager, but because David, in his great wisdom, bought me silver I only feel like a mildly spoiled adult.

So that's pretty much it for now, unless God drops an IT tech into our laps between now and May 3rd. He could, but will He...we'll see.

You Know You're Old When...

2008-03-21T16:40:00.000-07:00

I was curling when it suddenly hit me that I was turning 29. Not because curling is for old people; it's a surprising amount of fun and requires remarkably little in the way of athletic ability. It may just be my new favourite sport. But has anything ever just hit you before - or after - it actually happened? Tomorrow is my birthday, but in my mind, I am already a year older. It's like when Felicity was three days old, she and I were both sound asleep in our dark hospital room. Suddenly she gave a little cry, and without even thinking I picked her up and started to feed her. That's when I realized "Okay. I'm a mom". You'd think I would have realized that when I found out I was pregnant, or when she kicked for the first time, or after 20 hours of fruitless, irritating labour. As I sat there stroking her hair while my eyes filled with tears from the pain - oh the pain - I knew I was not just any mother, I was hers.

So what does 29 mean? It's not scary, not coming too fast, not unexpected, after all, it is next in line after 28. I think more than the age is the stage I am in right now. My children are still young, but they are not babies. My husband and I still feel like children ourselves in that we don't have to take care of our own parents, yet we feel an incredible amount of responsibility and each step we take requires a heavy measure of forethought. I do feel that since I was 24 and got married, had babies, started following my husband instead of my own wims, that I have been in a bit of a fog and now that fog is lifting.

And I am lucky. SO lucky. I love my husband, my children, even this God-forsaken village that God Himself brought us to. I see so much in our future but I recognize that there are chances that are no longer mine to take, and that's just fine with me. I am proud of the life we live, and even though I am far from the perfect wife and mom the relationships I share with those I love most are more healthy, richer, deeper than I ever imagined. So far, 29's looking pretty good.

Overturned Truck = Free Stuff

2008-03-09T10:01:00.000-07:00

Imagine you're at home, listening to the morning news while you get ready when they announce that a produce truck has turned over on the highway. Now, imagine that instead of thinking "I should probably leave a bit early since traffic will be crazy" you think "I hope I get to the truck first so the good stuff isn't gone". That is life in a northern town. Overturned truck = free stuff. This week we got more avocadoes, lettuce, peeled garlic, ginger, shallots, and pineapples than I would buy in six months. The downside of free stuff is you have to figure out what to do with it all before it goes rotten. You'd be surprised what you can freeze!

In other news, I haven't lost a pound! Not a pound. My life has consisted of fruits, veggies, lean protein, zero ice cream, five small meals a day, no skipped breakfasts, daily exercise, and still no pounds dropped. I do feel better, and I can tell my body has toned up a bit, but it's still really frustrating, especially since I'm trying to drop pounds. So I'm going to try a few new things with my exercise routine and see if I can't get my body to drop pounds.

Xander and Felicity are doing wonderful. Xander's favourite thing to do is run around our house. That's it. Just run and run and run for about 10-15 minutes without stopping. Then he bugs Felicity for a little while, and when that stops being fun he runs some more. Felicity, when asked, enjoys "dress-ups, games, princesses, and school". In that order. I have to say that it's amazing how much they have started to act like siblings. Their interactions have really changed and they seem to genuinely enjoy each other's company when they're not kicking or smacking each other.

What can I say? It looks frightening, but I found it surprisingly, um...sexy? Are we still allowed to say that about handlebar moustaches?

Sheesh...

2008-02-09T12:37:00.000-08:00

Once again I have managed to ignore this blog for too long, and now I don't know where to start. While I ponder you all can enjoy these lovely pictures of my kidlings.

Who needs sleep...

2008-01-08T06:29:00.000-08:00

when we could be watching Cinderella III? At six in the morning? Actually, we woke up at 5:20 this morning, but it us took until six to get the movie started. In the meantime we (meaning me) cleaned sheets, changed a diaper, cleaned more sheets, changed another diaper, wiped down a mattress, changed another diaper...do you see where I'm heading with this? Just when we thought Xander was over his stomach flu it's taken a nasty turn south and is trying to force his tiny little body to do things it was never meant to do. I was lucky, though, because as I was cleaning I kept thinking "this could be SO MUCH WORSE". I know what Worse looks like, and fortunately this wasn't it. I'm also very glad that not only did Mom make a new set of sheets for Xander's bed, but that they weren't on his bed when his butt exploded.

A lot of you (okay, all three of you) have asked about how I plan on working out indoors. At my job we've talked a lot about having a workout room put in for the employees and their families. After Christmas we ordered this ridiculously large treadmill which should be coming this week, and hopefully other equipment will be following soon. Because I get off work half an hour before everyone else does I'll be able to work out in the afternoons, except for on the days that David works at 4:30. David also set up a little "guy corner" downstairs where he has a TV, XBox, stereo system, and his guitar. There's even a little area rug (to give it that home-y touch), so on the days I can't exercise at work, I can do core exercises or yoga downstairs.

Again, the big hurdle in all of this is me. My laziness, my busyness, my love of all things food. The weirdest thing is that I have never really tried to lose a specific amount of weight before, so this is feeling like a larger task than it really is. If only I could get the stomach flu, that would make this all so much easier!

Speaking of well-rounded...

2008-01-05T13:06:00.001-08:00

Wow. That's a "Before" picture if I've ever seen one. I'm not a huge believer in New Year's resolutions, but seeing this picture on January 2nd has inspired something within me. Well, first I threw up in my mouth a little, but afterwards while brushing my teeth I thought to myself "I could probably do something about that". Then we watched Dr. Phil, and although I generally find him overbearing and self-righteous I genuinely enjoyed the episode. It was about New Year's resolutions (shocking!) and he gave a sort of checklist for people who seriously want to make a change in their lives. Besides something about willpower I don't actually remember what was on the checklist so I made my own, which I'll share with you in a minute. I also told Dave, which is great but also stinks because unlike that stereotypical, in-one-ear-and-out-the-other husband, he actually heard me and will actually hold me to it. Which will be awesome. Most of the time. Anyway, here's the list:

1. Keep a realistic food journal.

2. Always eat breakfast before walking out the door. This means getting up earlier.

3. Develop a realistic indoor exercise routine.

4. Decide to be okay with sweating, hurting, failing, and standing up again.

5. Tell everyone! Nothing like a little global accountability.

6. Ask for God's help every single day. He knows me best, He know what will trip me up, and only by His grace will I have any sort of followthrough.

My other brilliant idea, besides telling David, was to create some sort of "contract" that included a little motivation. So, here's the motivation: I have until April 28th to get to my goal weight. I will not buy any new clothes until April 28th (seriously). If I don't get to my goal weight by April 28th I will not buy any new clothes for myself until AUGUST (seriously). And in case any of you are wondering if the pink-eye has spread to my brain, we're only talking about 15 pounds. That's enough to be a challenge, but not too much considering our limited resources. Wish me lunch, I mean, luck!

And the beat goes on...

2008-01-05T11:30:00.000-08:00

So, yes, it has been almost a month since my last post. In the meantime we have had four birthday cakes, one Christmas, one foray into ice-fishing, and TWO trips to Whitehorse, not to mention pink-eye, the stomach flu, runny noses, and topped it all off with a plethora of presents, laughs, and yummy food. We had SUCH a good time with Mom and Dad. We sewed, we ate, we played a kickin' game of Canasta, we ate some more. They were surprisingly relaxed for the over-achievers we all know they to be. It was a dream come true to spend Christmas with them, considering that I went through all the trouble to guilt them away from Sarah and her oh-so-boring Japan (yawn) so they could truly experience our Winter Wonderland. However, I have to admit that as I was making my first trip up to Whitehorse through a snowstorm with my precious Felicity watching Shrek in the back seat I wondered to myself "was it really worth risking my life and the life of my children so that I could have the Christmas I wanted?". Turns out yes, it was. Also, I may have been a teensy bit overdramatic, as the drive to Whitehorse is actually quite lovely.

Felicity turned four on the 18th, and she is four with a vengeance. Being right all the time never felt so good. Xander also feels the same way about being TWO. I mean, why do anything half-baked when you can really throw yourself into tantrums, throwing food, and smacking your sister every two and a half minutes? Seriously, he is committed to experiencing ALL that TWO has to offer, and he's going to come out the other end of this year a more diverse, well-rounded individual.

Here's some pictures from our various adventures.

In case you're wondering, that's not dirt. It's blood.

This picture was taken at noon, when we have the most light.

Visual Update

2007-12-08T09:39:00.000-08:00

Here are a few pictures of the kids and the town. Now, I realize Xander's wearing Felicity's pink toque and scarf, but I couldn't find his. Yes, it was also the morning he got frostbite on both cheeks, but no, the two are not related.

It smelled like muffins...

2007-12-08T08:46:00.000-08:00

So, again, I'm so sorry you haven't heard from us in a while. But today I'm blogging for a great reason, possibly the best reason ever. You see, today is my little Xander's birthday.

Let me preface all of this by saying that I love birthdays. Not just certain people's birthdays, or my birthday, but all birthdays. I love the idea of birthdays, that there is a day in the year where your mind and your body and your history mark a milepost. I love that that a name written on a paper calendar on someone's wall or fridge or desk can cause them to take a moment and think of you. I also love discovering when two strangers share a birthdate. It makes the world a bit smaller and establishes another connection between two otherwise completely separate lives. I also really love chocolate cake.

Back to Xander. Today is his second birthday. He is TWO years old. Now, I've been trying to prep him this entire week, because when people find out it's a child's birthday, they love to ask them how old they are. And for the first few years they are always answered with a sort of blank stare, like, "You're the grown-up. You tell me." So I've been trying to get Xander ready, which is a futile effort on my part. Felicity, as the First Born Child, was willing and ready to repeat everything we said and answer all of our prompts, like animal sounds and greetings and her name. But Xander, as the Second Born Rebel, is neither willing nor ready to do any of that, and instead responds by either giggling (as in "nice try"), or running away, or growling until we can't remember which animal we were asking about in the first place. He has been really into counting lately, so I thought he would be really into learning how old he was. And for a while it was going well. I would ask "Xander, how old are you?" to which he would answer "Three!". I wasn't about to get picky, because it was an honest-to-goodness answer. But now we're back to the answer-free Xander, the master in the art of evasion. He'll make a great spy.

I layed in bed this dark morning listening to Xander reenact a scene from Finding Nemo (Memo!! Get back! Memo!! Blahblahblahblah boat!! Memo!!!) and remembering my first morning with him. We'd had a scheduled c-section, so the first day is a blur of OR rooms, visitors, and drugs. Lots of drugs. However, the next morning I woke up at seven to the soft sun filling my room, and while he slept peacefully I quietly got ready for the day. Every once in a while I'd peek over the top of the bassinet and watch him for a few moments, his strawberry hair peeking out from the hospital-issue cap. Then I'd go back to applying my makeup, or getting changed, or whatever I happened to be doing verrrry slooooowwwwly. All of the sudden I realized that I smelled muffins. Really yummy, sweet muffins. I thought maybe we were above the cafeteria, or that I possibly could be having a stroke. I poked my head out the door and asked the nurse across the hall "is it just me, or does my room smell like...muffins?". To which she replied that the Tim Hortons a block away was the reason for my olifactory delight. Now, every time I see a Tim Hortons I think of that first, and only, quiet morning with my little Xander.

Cuppa Joe

2007-11-17T09:02:00.000-08:00

Yes, that's coffee.

Yes, he finished it in record time.

Yes, I'm feeling the repercussions of

giving a two-year-old caffeine

with a little sugar mixed in.

Yes, I will probably do it all over again tomorrow.

Still Kicking

2007-11-17T07:43:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone! Sorry you haven't heard from us in a while. Don't worry, we weren't on vacation or getting extra sleep or anything like that. We've been working and working and working some more, and when we're not working at our work we're working at our house. But we keep telling ourselves things like "we'll be so glad we did this when we go on our big vacation/build our dream house/pay off our truck in record time" and "I'm working now so that someday I won't have to". However, I must say that I am truly enjoying my job. It's the kind of job you wish you had. It's got a good mix of crazy and quiet, the people I work with are wonderful, and because it's the only clinic for literally hundreds of miles, there is always the chance that someone will come in with a drill bit through their hand because there's simply no where else to go. Sweet!! It also makes me somewhat glad I didn't become a nurse like I always wanted. Those people work really hard and deal with some really amazingly whiny people, and I get enough of that at home.

It is still white and beautiful here, and every time I start think "man, this snow is lookin' a little dingy" we'll get another layer, and then it's pretty again. The first time we got snow, before it was even really sticking, I put so many layers on the kids it was ridiculous. But after a while you get so used to the cold that you find yourself saying things like "wow. It's only minus 5. Let's fire up the barbecue". The downside of snow is that it takes about twenty minutes to get out the door because even though you're used to the cold you still have to put copious amounts of clothing on your children just so you don't sit at work all day wondering if today's the day they're going to discover the wonderful world of frostbite. Extra layers = no guilt. Missing fingers = guilt.

Xander, Xander...what to say about my little Naked Ninja? He has learned how to say "pants" and "shirt" and "off" in that order. When asked what a cow says he gives you a blank stare, then runs away screaming "to infinity and beyooooooond!!!". He also says things like "what happened?" "you okay?", "Felicity, no, no!", and starts every sentence with a little surprised "oh!". I worry so much about him because I don't get to spend the time with him like I did with Felicity, and also because he simply does not have the patience to sit down and learn his colours. He does, however, have the patience to pull out all of the diapers from his bottom drawer one by one and then put them all back in same fashion, and in a weird way this gives me hope. Also, where Felicity wakes up all whispery and cuddly, Xander WAKES UP! I'M AWAKE! AND THIRSTY! AND HAPPY! BUT MOSTLY THIRSTY! AND I'M LOOKING FOR NEMO! HAVE YOU SEEN NEMO?! That is the way my boy does everything. With his caps lock on.

Felicity is quickly evolving in the First Born Child, like the job comes with a lovely corner office and a company car. She is still sweet and goofy but has turned into a hostess-in-training/drill sargeant, announcing at dinner the other night "Anybody! Want some smashed tatoes!". It wasn't a question or a suggestion. Take some smashed tatoes! Martha would be so proud. She still loves school, is still so disappointed with Saturdays because they do not involve school, and really, who could blame her? There are WAY more toys than there are at home, Miss Kristy, like, never yells, and when you're done fighting and screaming with Nia over a toy you two can discuss it while snacking on pickles and cheese.

So yes, we are still kicking, sometimes kicking to get out, sometimes kicking ourselves for not doing this sooner, sometimes kicking each other, well, just because there's really not much to do up here. I'm tired of saying I'm homesick. That has not changed, but I feel like now I'm homesick for where we're headed and not as much for where we've been. If you're reading this and you know us and you pray, pray for us. We're at the table in the desert, and although the food is good, it's still a lonely place to eat.

Flakes

2007-10-26T21:13:00.000-07:00

I would love to be clever today. I have no quirky stories, no anecdotes. I'm not going to be witty or funny or retrospective in any way. I have not been sleeping well, and were it not for the fact that I work in a, scratch that, THE medical centre I would still not be sleeping well. But I know when my doctor has an opening, and I can pretty much walk into his office and request to be medicated. Which I did. And I am.

I'm also not able to upload pictures for some reason. Grrr.

The big news of this week, besides Xander learning the word "serious" (I'm serious) is that we had our first real snowfall. Tuesday around 11:00 we were in a meeting learning all sorts of new fun stuff. When the bigwig who was visiting asked us if we had any questions or comments, the pharmacist piped up with "it's snowing! Dave won the pool!!". Now, I don't think that's what our visiting bigwig had in mind, and I certainly don't think she expected that topic to consume five minutes of our meeting. The pool was a snow pool, in which each person put in five or ten bucks and said what day they thought it was going to snow. Now, it flurried a few weeks ago, but apparently the parameters were that it had to really snow and stick. And stick it did. It's still here, plus a few more centimetres that came yesterday. It is quite something to sit at your desk and watch the snow drift down all day. It sort of makes working a bit more bearable, and even these wizened snow professionals that have survived years and years of dark, bitterly cold winters wax quite eloquently when the heavens first open and blanket our town in white.

Needless to say, my first thought was of my children. More specifically, of their snow gear. Was it warm enough, did their boots have enough traction, were their fingers going to fall off because I'd cheaped out and bought their mittens at Wal-Mart. Those kinds of thoughts. Xander wasn't quite sure what to think of the stuff, and after about five minutes he'd had quite enough and was ready to come inside and watch The Incredibles for the fourth time that day. Felicity, on the other hand, just can't believe her good fortune. Snow! All the time! The first day it snowed she was so excited we had to beg her to stop licking it off of the rocks in our driveway. When we head down the stairs of our porch to the car in the morning, she licks it off the hand rail. It's made out of wood, so although she might get splinters in her tongue, at least we won't have to spend 20 minutes trying to get it unstuck. This is my daughter, red-cheeked, a mouth full of snow, and so excited she can't wait to get out there and do it all over again.

The other big news this week is that it was my sister's birthday. There is so much I could say about my sister Sarah, but if I start I'll be cleaning tears and snot off my keyboard for weeks, so I'll just say this: I would not be who I am were it not for Sarah. Not the wife I am, and especially not the mother I am. I would not have nearly the confidence and determination I have had she not led by her incredible example. In my mind we all live down the street from each other still, and go to each other's houses for coffee on Saturday mornings while our kids play in the backyard. I don't know if we'll ever have that moment, but I'm hoping when we get to heaven God puts our mansions all side by side. I miss you Sarah, and I love you.

Weekend Update

2007-10-07T14:04:00.000-07:00

Well, it's another beautiful day in Dease Lake. We had about two hours of gorgeous snow that mostly resulted in mush on the ground, but for those hours our house was filled with excitement and a sense of what's to come. After surprising my mom with a visit to Chilliwack that proved my skills in lying to my mother and then causing her to burst into tears still more than adequate, I was exhausted. I came back from that amazing and restful visit to a cold house and two children desperately in need of their father. When I'm away from them, they miss me, but when David's away, they turn into freaker-outers because he is this family's compass. Our true north. Sounds cheesy, but it's a pretty accurate description, and the only one that explains how lost we all are in his absence.

I also started working this Thursday, which was honestly not something I was looking forward to. I love being home with my children, and especially since Felicity started school I have so enjoyed my mornings with Xander. That kid is freakin' hilarious, and not nearly as cranky as he gets when Felicity, his self-appointed "other mommy", is around. However, I promised I would work when we lived here because we have free, trustworthy childcare in the form of David's mom. Truthfully, she's much better at it than I am because she's not their mom, so they do crafts and eat properly and come home begging to go back. The other reason I promised to work is because you can get paid a ridiculous amount of money to do pretty much anything in this town. Gotta love Northern life. So now I'm the "new girl" at the clinic. People are so used to knowing who's answering the phones here, so the first day I got a lot of confused people trying to figure out who the heck I was. It was kind of fun. But soon they'll all know me, and when they only give me their first names and expect me to know exactly who they are and which doctor they see I'll actually be able to fulfill their expectations. Good times.

Okay, back to the snow. We woke up to a slight dusting of it on Friday morning, and being the newbie that I am I had the kids totally geared up. Snowsuits, boots, mittens, toques, the works. The funniest part is that even though they knew we had all this equipment, they'd never actually worn it all together, so they kept looking at me like I'd lost my mind. Like, "Mom, we don't actually wear this stuff, we just play with it. Sheesh". I was also freaked out I'd be late to work, so my hands wouldn't stop shaking long enough for me to properly zip and tie and button everything up so it actually took me longer than if I'd been able to settle down. I was late.

We'd heard last night that we were going to wake up to 10 cms of snow, so I was a little disappointed when there was none this morning. But by the time we actually got out of bed and ventured out into the rest of the house, it had started to snow and continued to do so until almost noon. It was gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous. We ate brunch and watched it fall through the trees and onto our deck. It even made our barbecue look pretty. And all the things I had pictured about living here, all the things I had seen in my mind's eye and hoped for were revived. My children playing in the snow, the Christmas tree in the corner of the living room, the reflection of the moon on the blanket of white...all things I have been wishing to see. Who knows, someday I might even see all of this as home.

A Sign of Things to Come?

2007-09-16T10:46:00.001-07:00

Need I say more?

First Day of the Rest of Her Life

2007-09-16T09:55:00.000-07:00

I'm embarrassed that I have not yet blogged about Felicity going to preschool. What kind of a mother doesn't write these things down? Obviously, this kind of mother. Anyway, Felicity's first day of preschool was sort of anticlimactic. I hadn't heard when it was going to be starting, so I didn't want to tell her she was going and then have a case of Major Disappointment on my hands if it was, in fact, not. So I got her and Xander dressed, took a few pictures just in case this really was THE DAY, then dropped Xander off at my MIL's. The whole time Felicity kept asking "where are we going?" to which I kept answering "um...I don't know". She now has that my-mother-is-retarded look down to an art form, thanks to that morning. In true Hannah form we arrived at her preschool half an hour late to discover that preschool was indeed starting that day. Felicity promptly ran to the dress-up boxes as if there were some sort of three-year-old homing beacon implanted in her cerebral cortex. I decided to stick around for the morning to make sure Felicity felt comfortable and to see what she was going to need to bring every day. I'm not the most naturally organized person, so being able to see how her day would be structured really helped me be able to plan ahead.

There are two teachers, Miss Kristi and Miss Hazel. Hazel has actually been working with this program for quite a while, although she had taken a bit of a break to stay home with her kids. Kristi is (I think) the head teacher, and she is awesome. They both have so much patience it is unbelievable and honestly, it puts me to shame.

So, shockingly, Felicity absolutely loves it. After the second day, when we were putting her to bed that night, she prayed "please Jesus, thank you that Felicity goes to school, and have dressups, and tea party, and playdough, and tables, and books, and snacks, and Miss Kristy, and Miss Hazel, and all my friends, and dressups. Amen." Apparently we no longer make the list, but that's okay, because it tells me two things. One, she loves her school and she's not freaked out. Two, she knows that when she prays she's actually talking to someone, not just repeating what her parents tell her to say. Sometimes there is nothing better than a three-year-old.

On the other hand, she revealed to me yesterday that she asked a boy in her class to marry her. From what I understand at first he laughed, and then he said no, so he's obviously an idiot. At some point in this verbal transaction she either kissed him or tried to kiss him, I'm not sure. When she told David it threw him into a total conniption, particularly because she couldn't remember the little boy's name. She's kissing BOYS! On the playground!! AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER THEIR NAMES!!! She then told me later that her and Xander were playing the "mommy daddy doctor game", at which point David asked to go lie down. With some clever questioning I was able to deduce that the "mommy daddy doctor game" involved brushing your teeth and going to bed. I think I'll wait a few days to tell David.

I think the only thing that makes all of this bittersweet is that it's the beginning of at least fourteen years of school. Fourteen years of classes, homework, teachers, other kids, summer vacations, detention, honour roll. It's the best of times and the worst of times, and I've never felt more protective of her than I do right now. But she could really love it. She could even be really good at it, and do her homework, and not skip class to go shopping. It's the hope and the possibility that she could be better at this than I was that pushes me to let her go.

Felicity of the North

2007-09-06T11:05:00.000-07:00

One of the nice things about David's job is that not only is his regular uniform provided, now that we're up north he also gets what they call a Winter Kit. It includes not only a massive down-filled parka and mukluks, but also this cosy yet stylish fur hat. This way he can practice his male modeling skills and keep Dease Lake safe all at the same time. Your tax dollars at work.

Worst. Haircut. Ever.

2007-09-05T21:07:00.000-07:00

Why? Why do I try? One look at Xander's cornsilk hair projecting past his ears and those clippers literally start screaming my name from the bathroom cabinet. And every time I sit him in his little high chair and start one of his favourite movies, I think to myself "this kid is going to look AWESOME!". It's also always at night during the post-dinner dip in my blood pressure, and it's always in bad lighting. So why am I surprised the next day to find that his hair is not as AWESOME as I had imagined?

One of the many perks of motherhood is getting cool little household toys, like hand-held vacuums and swiffer dusters. And clippers. If I thought my husband would still sleep in the same house as me I would totally shave my head just for the pure joy of using these clippers. So that's the other draw of cutting Xander's hair, plus after a few minutes he doesn't seem to mind so much.

If I ever call you and utter the words "and tomorrow I'm going to cut Xander's hair" please ask me to hand the phone to my husband, then instruct him to hide the sacred clippers. Think of the children.

Portrait of a Thursday

2007-08-30T09:30:00.000-07:00

I call this one "Growth Spurt":

I have always been fascinated with photography and it's ability to capture a moment or tell a story without saying a word. In some ways it is the entire opposite from music, although both mediums, when done well, can have the same effect on me. When I had Xander my husband and I bought our first real camera, a Nikon D50. After paying that much money for something that didn't transport us or do our dishes we both had to sit down so the camera shop would stop spinning. A year and a half later I can easily say it is the best money we've ever spent. And considering how far away we all are from each other it is the best way to show each other the way our children smile, laugh, cry, dance, and grow without actually getting to see it in real life.

So here are some more shots I took this sleepy morning. Yes, it's Thursday, but David's first day off always feels more like a Saturday. In a little while I'll wake him up and make some whole-wheat buttermilk waffles which we'll eat while the kids watch a movie. It's simply the best kind of day.

Some of my favourite moments from this summer...

2007-08-28T08:50:00.000-07:00

These are Felicity and Xander's friends, Tobias and Lucas. Both boys move so fast that every shot is an action shot. Needless to say, we miss them terribly.

Tobias

Lucas

Auntie Em days before becoming a mommy.

Fun at the cabin:

Thank you, Sarah, for showing me how to post pictures. I wonder, will the day ever come when we all stop needing you? I hope not.

A List of Grievances

2007-08-27T14:39:00.000-07:00

So, no, I still haven't figured out how to post pictures on this blog. We'll just call that Grievance Numero Uno.

This morning started out like every other morning since we returned from our trip into the Real World - with a raging headache. The village people keep telling me that everyone gets them when they come back from "down South" because we're 3000 feet above sea level. That makes sense, because in our old house on the Sunshine Coast we were literally right at sea level. Ok, we were across the street from sea level, but you get the point. So I'm thinking the constant push on my sinuses that's causing my eyes to feel like I just got the smackdown from Evander Holyfield should start to subside, and soon I'll stop wandering around like the walking wounded. But since it's been about 10 days, and considering that my equilibrium is so off that I thought I was sitting up in bed this morning when I was still lying down, I decided to go to the doctor.

We have a lovely doctor here in town. His name is Phil, which would make him Dr. Phil, and he and his even lovelier (more lovely? lovelier? anyway) wife have a little boy who just turned one. I went and saw him and he agreed, yes, it's more than an adjustment to the barometric pressure that I'm having trouble with, so try this nasal spray and that should clear up the problem. So I walk to the pharmacy, but having not lived here very long I didn't realize that it was time for their coffee break and they were currently closed, at which point I decided to try again later. I then went home, had some lunch with David, made myself somewhat presentable, checked on the kids who were with my MIL, then thought I might try the pharmacy again, along with the other errands I had to run. Now, I had originally tried to do my running around earlier, but I had also forgotten that this town closes down from 12-1 every afternoon for lunch. It is during this sacred hour that I always feel as though I'm in some tiny town just south of the Mexican border, and everyone's leaning up against their casas with their sombreros over their faces, having a siesta, and only the cantina is open for business. Except in our town it's not the cantina, it's the gas bar.

Ok, I get to the clinic at 12:50 - not open. I go drop off my Arbonne deliveries, then head to the bank before I try the pharmacy again. The bank is not an actual bank, it is a single teller in her little wicket in the government building. When I arrived, there were two people ahead of me. 35 minutes later it was finally my turn. AND some little punk tried to cut in front of me, which made me want to kick in his kneecaps. There was also a massive line of drunk people - again, not making this up - who would not stop hollering "git 'er done!" as if it was the name of the beer they'd had for breakfast. By this time it was close to the kids' naptime, so I dropped off the last Arbonne order, picked up the kids, and headed home to put them down for their naps.

So here I am, whining to my computer, and subsequently all of you. My head is still raging, my equilibrium is still off - I might be typing with my head on the desk, I don't know - and still no nasal spray. However, tomorrow is another day...I'll keep you posted.

I warned you!

2007-08-24T13:38:00.000-07:00

I wasn't going to be any good at this! I've actually been thinking about this blog a lot, thinking about what I would write about that would be interesting. Also, I have lots of pictures but I don't know yet how to post them on here, so once I get that figured out this should get a lot more interesting. A lot has happened since my last post, so I guess I'll just pick up from where I left off...

Ah, yes, move in day. A day not unlike Christmas, where every box presents a chance to either rediscover something precious or throw away something that has always irritated you. My husband is the King of Unpacking, so by the end of day one I knew where all the important things were, like dishes and towels and toys. By day two I had the kitchen unpacked and the bedrooms somewhat organized, and a week and a half later, when I left to drive back down to Chilliwack, if felt like our home.

The distance between Dease Lake and Chilliwack is approximately 1700 KMs, roughly the distance between Portland and Los Angeles. Now, I've driven both routes more than once. Portland to LA takes less than a day because you drive all night, stopping only for a quick nap and a burger at the first In-N-Out you come across. The drive to Dease Lake takes three days. Every time. Three days, unless you really want to kill yourself and do it in two. Same distance, totally different kind of road trip. Now, I realize that after reading this everyone will immediately jump in their cars and drive to LA, and I can't blame you. Send me a postcard, and after reading it we'll throw it in the fireplace and warm our hands with it.

The trip to Chilliwack, then down to Portland, was a total whirlwind in which we managed to stuff all sorts of activity into every single day. I think the highlight of Portland was seeing friends that had once been a huge part of my life, but that I have not seen for 10 years. This kind of event can only cause retrospection, which in turn causes embarrassment, which then morphs into gratitude that high school ended and real life began. The final step in this ugly cycle is the realization that none of it was really as big or as bad as you once deemed it to be. The biggest relief is that everyone turned out so lovely, and we were all capable of adult conversation without drama. The biggest surprise was that for the most part everyone now shared the same perspective on our high school experience. The pendulum had finally come to a rest smack-dab in the middle. Thanks, Amanda, for organizing us all and creating a calm, relaxed event where we could all finally have a conversation.

The other major event besides the reunion is that we bought a new car. Excuse me, a truck. I had the misfortune several years ago of meeting up with the typical used-car salesmen while I was buying my first car. Now, the idea of walking into a car dealership makes my mouth dry, my fingers numb, and I eventually wind up in the fetal position in one of the kids' closets. Can we say therapy? I mean for the kids. Okay, maybe we can make it a family thing. Anyway, we go in with our car as a trade-in, and come out with a lot more debt but a beautiful slightly used truck that will be ready the next day for us to come pick up. Oh, we're so excited!! I go get my hair done, David leaves to go to work on the coast, feeling like he's done his job as the provider and protector of his family. We all go to bed with warm fuzzies.

The next day I call to check and see when our car will be ready because that's what you do when you get a new truck. You want to drive it and smell it and spill Starbucks in it and let your kids climb around before the carseats are installed like it's a $33,000 jungle gym so they can ooh and aah because after all, it's their truck too. Except that when I called I was met with a "huh?". And you know the feeling that you're about to get royally screwed? Where your chest goes numb and you start seeing spots and feel kind weightless, like you're sitting on the opposite end from the sh*t that's about to hit the fan? Like that. There was actually very little drama once all was said and done, although I spent the weekend in Portland wondering if I was going to have to summon the spirit of Uma Thurman and get all Kill Bill on this car salesman. Instead I took my daddy in with me, and took him in again when the brake system warning lights went off.

I have to say, though, that it was all completely worth it. I felt like a mom, trying to figure out that if it all did indeed go crazy and I had no car how I was going to get myself and my kids home in one piece, even if it meant leaving all of our new stuff behind. I also really felt like a mom driving the last 600 kms, the only car on the road for long stretches at a time, completely exhausted and freaked out(!!) because at any moment a caribou/bear/reindeer could jump out of the bushes and into the side of our car. Excuse me, our truck. The best part was that in the last hour, as I once again watched the sun go down over the trees, knowing I was so close to Dave, I really felt like I was not just back in Dease Lake. I was home.

A Whole New World...

2007-07-23T21:20:00.000-07:00

Wow. I don't even know where to start. After a never-ending road trip we arrived in Dease Lake on Saturday evening. We were almost forced to turned back about 60 KMs from Dease because the river had washed out a section of the road, but after driving for four days, and knowing a decent hotel would have been a six-hour drive in the opposite direction of where we wanted to be, David convinced the head road worker to let us go through. The section that was the "danger zone" was literally maybe a foot wider on either side than our car, and after we drove through and were on a safe patch of highway again, David looked at me and said, "that may have been a little stupid". Either way, we'd been in the car for four days with two very patient but overtired kids in the back seat, and we were finally on the home stretch.

As we were driving the stretch of highway between the washout and Dease Lake, I was really struck by the landscape. Instead of there being a forest there were all these really tall trees surrounded by shrubs. Now, listening to that description you would think "duh, Hannah, that's a forest". But it wasn't, and both David and I kept saying over and over "it's weird, because it's not a forest, it's just a bunch of trees". Needless to say, our conversational skills had definitely been dulled by the lack of sleep. Anyway, next time we go through I will actually stop and take some pictures so you all can see what I mean. These tall, green trees stood like sentinels against the backdrop of the mountains and lakes and blue, blue sky. It was also really bright outside and stayed really light until around 11:30 that night, which something else I will have to adjust to.

We finally got into the town of Dease around 9:30 in the evening, and let me tell you, nobody can ever prepare you for that first moment where you realize what life in a small town in Northern BC is really going to be. Oh, they can send you pictures and tell you over and over again that it's really small, there's nothing to do, etc. But, like having your first baby, nothing prepares you for that moment. Are we disappointed? No. It's exactly what everyone said it would be, in fact, some aspects are better than I expected. Do we want to turn and run screaming in the opposite direction? Truthfully, I am so sick of being in my car that it's enough to keep us here...for now:). No, in all seriousness, even though I feel like I'm stumbling around in a dark cave with earplugs and a blindfold on, I know there will come a day when I don't have to think through every single aspect of life. A day where this will be as much of a home to us as anywhere else we've ever laid our heads.

So, tomorrow is our move-in day. I am so excited to get settled in before I come down to Chilliwack and Portland so I know exactly what I need and what I can do without. They just finished the flooring and paint in our new home, which is for the most part rather nice. I can't wait to get our stuff in there and really make it our own for however long we are here. I have to say, though, that if I'm not careful my mind drifts back to our little cabin in the woods, with the sounds of our children and our friends' children laughing and playing, and I find myself wishing for something that is no longer mine. But I also know that because God is so good, and so faithful, and knows the desires of my heart, He will give me that moment again.

2007-07-07T08:29:00.000-07:00

So, here we are. It's something like 36 hours before the Packing Fairies come to place all our stuff into nice neat boxes while I figure out where my head is. I had promised myself that by now I would have all my lists checked off, my clothes organized, my bathrooms clean. Considering we have guests, that last one would have been a good idea. But although none of that has been started, let alone finished, I still can't bring myself to do it. Instead, we've watched a movie, played some games, ate some yummy food, and laughed a lot. Because I won't look back on organizing and reorganizing my clothes with any sort of fondness, but I know the memories we're making right now will carry me through the days when I want to be anywhere but where I am. I'll be able to pause in the middle of a remedial task and smile, or laugh, or quite possibly - let's face it - burst into tears.

I was in London Drugs today buying things like laundry detergent and oven cleaner, so I meandered over to the toy aisle where I discovered a Disney Princess book that was all about letters and numbers and came with a CD. I thought "I'll get this for Felicity because she's going to preschool in the fall and...holy crap." Felicity is going to preschool. So, a) this is a big step for her, and b) if we weren't going to Dease Lake I don't know how we would have been able to afford preschool, and she probably wouldn't have been able to go. And suddenly, I was ready to say good-bye because of all this move means for our children. Yes, we're excited and it's an adventure and we're going to make a lot of money, but what an incredible time for our children in the ages they are at right now. And while I may not feel this way consistently for the next three days, I know that underneath all the sadness and the panic I will be able to remind myself of exactly why we are uprooting our lives, and how we will be richer in every way when we are done.

In the beginning...

2007-07-04T00:23:00.000-07:00

I'm just going to say first off, for the record, I am terrible at keeping up with these sorts of things. There may be weeks with no postings, but try to stay with me. I also put way to many commas in my sentences. I just noticed that the other day, so I promise to try to keep that in check.

There will be more tomorrow...I think.